Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
