Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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