I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
