he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
