Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
