what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize