Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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