Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize