you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were trust falling into bushes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
