In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
