The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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