Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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