Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
