did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
