Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
