haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize