So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
