i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
