My Higher Power is John Stamos
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
