i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
