Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
