I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
