my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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