Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
