he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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