so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
