Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
