The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Shame is for Republicans.
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