Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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