i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
