All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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