When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
