so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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