Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
