So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
