im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize