my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
