As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
