Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And then he peed in my hair
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