Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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