someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
