Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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