i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
