Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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