If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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