my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize