Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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