I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
