Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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