Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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