please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
