fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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