you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
