I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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