They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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