I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize