All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
