At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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