I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
