i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize