It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
