Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im six kinds of drunk right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
