Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
