Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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